Marriage counselors are always on the look out for paradigms to help them as they work with clients. A very helpful list outlining different categories of distorted thinking was developed by the school of thought called Rational- Emotive Therapy. Here is the edited list from Goodman and Maultsby’s book, “Emotional Well-Being Through Rational Behavior Training.” (Comments in parenthesis are not part of the original list).
1. Inconsistency. The person expects high standards from himself or others some times, and not at other times. (A lack of dependability and stability is often associated with this behavior causing conflict in marriage).
2. The Non Sequitur. His or her reasoning has gaps in it – hence the use of the term non sequitur, Latin for “it doesn't follow.” He concludes that he will not believe what someone says because they have long hairor are late for an appointment. (This is often seen when people become emotional says marriage counseling Naples FL. In marriage, this makes it difficult to reason with your spouse).
3. Exaggeration. The person describes a moderate failure as a catastrophe or an inconvenience as a terrible problem. (This is very common, notes marriage counseling Estero FL).
4. Generalization from a Few Particulars. The person makes general conclusions based on a few isolated facts, as in the case of deciding that all people belonging to a certain group have qualities that he has found in one or two members of that group. (This makes it harder for couples to come to agreement because they base their conclusions on different standards of what constitutes “evidence”).
5. Building a Case. The person selects only those observations about someone or something that fits his preconceived conclusion, either favorable or unfavorable. (When married people fight, they often engage in this behavior says marriage counseling Bonita Springs FL. The husband or wife don’t want to see the full picture, only those details that paint the other person in the worst possible light).
6. Shifting Responsibility. Instead of assessing responsibility for a given situation to one or more possible causes, the person arbitrarily assigns it to a person he has selected or a condition he has decided, in advance, is the cause. (Not accepting any blame is another cause of ongoing conflict in marriage).
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